• Cold breath in my home city is sentient.
  • Harvard parties = CRAZY WILD NUDITY ORGIES TUNS OF HAWT GURLZ BOUNCER WITH EAR PIECE SECRET IN A PRIVATE LIBRARY WTF.
  • Boston University students are apparently the butt of academic jokes. Which I find offensive, mostly because the example BU girl seemed intelligent and not much like any of my classmates from the good ol’ bloodsucking alma.
  • Justin Timberlake: A better actor than Tom Cruise, Ben Affleck, and a slew of others. Except Ice T on Law and Order or whatever fucking crime show he does now.
  • IT’S FINAL CLUBS NOT “FINALS” CLUB GOD GET IT RIGHT YOU PLEB.
  • Harvard dorm rooms = exponentially bigger than BU ones.
  • If your last name sounds douchey/sinister (ie- Winklevoss), your fate as a sinister douche is sealed.
  • No one in/around any Boston area colleges has a Boston accent.
  • Jewish guys + Asian girls = tru luv. Or obsessive stalking.
  • Mark Zuckerberg = not an asshole. HE’S JUST TRYING SO HARD TO BE ONE AND NEEDS SOME LAWYER LOVIN’.

Things that “The Social Network” Got Wrong:

  • CGI snow and cold breath suxxxx.
  • The “Fuck Truck” is not full of BU girls. We all went to MIT Frat parties instead (more men, more liquor, better audio set-ups), and were therefore a mere 40 minute sloshed walk in heels away. The Fuck Truck brings Wellesley girls, who would no way get naked and dance on a table. Which brings me to
  • Harvard parties = not that cool. No college party is that cool, I don’t care what you remember you were roofied anyway.
  • BU students aren’t actually the victims of cruel elitist humor, solely because there are too many of us permeating the city and WE WILL FIND YOU EN MASSE. And I don’t know, throw glitter and latkes and buy your parents homes out from under them.
  • No one, and I repeat NO ONE outside of Harvard cares about Final Clubs.
  • Those Harvard dorms were obviously not real and way to photoshop/CGI Harvard Yard and the Charles beyond the point of recognition.
  • Those Asian chicks- totally BU students. Trust me.