So I’m clearly a miserable failure at online blogging but I refuse to apologize mostly because why should I apologize to myself? NO ONE KNOWS THIS EXISTS.
But life has inspired me back here to rant once again about something shitty that no one IRL wants to hear me rant about.
COMMENCE:
The return of vaguely springlike weather, or actually being able to exist outside without threats of icy imminent death. Sounds like a grand development for the northern hemisphere right? Unless you’re a LADY. or, as some like to call me, “GIRL” (which is surprisingly not my name). As in, “Hey pretty lady! You lookin good to DAY.” or the more popular, “Oh GIRL, so fine!”
Being in possession of a vagina and breasts, no matter how hard one tries to camouflage them, apparently gives every corporate douchebag/homeless man/high school senior permission to heckle you while you try to return your goddamn library book on your lunch break during work because you don’t want to incur late fees. Walking down the street in sweatpants to the pharmacy to pick up some tylenol for that sinus headache? “DAAAAAAMN LOOKIT DAT ASS.” And I live in Boston. My mind shrinks away from the very imagining of New York on nice days.
My personal favorite: “Aw why don’t you smile? C’mon, gimme a smile. Pretty girls gotta smile!” SMILE DO IT NOW DANCE PUPPET. Why don’t I smile insanely while walking down the street thinking ‘I need to get my taxes done soon’ or ‘I hope mom’s cold is gone’? Hmm, I don’t know! I guess it’s just one of the eternal mysteries of the universe, right up there with WHY DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO MAKE DEMANDS OF A TOTAL STRANGER?
